Now he's here on this altered planet, doing anything other than gaze at him is near impossible! However I will have to get my shit together eventually, so shall start here. Over the past months I've attended hypnobirthing classes, goddess circles, prenatal hoop yoga, pelvic floor conferences and connected with my power animal. I've entertained raw and religious food groups and world placenta recipes, discussed doulas, lotus birth, afterbirth, cosmic orgasmic labour and practiced perineum massage meditation. I've learned to breath through my Virgina, endured Tempe, become a cacao kundalini kumbucha contractions master, astrologically mapped maternity and healed my relationship with my own mother - all in preparation for the most enlightened natural childbirth in the universe!! Almost toxic blood pressure, a cesarean section and shed loads of pycadelic painkillers later, I'm happy to be alive, know how my own mother felt (ha ha) and am now prepared for, not just childbirth, but the ever changing, rearranging and ultimate incision that is parenthood! With my sacred frangipani still nicely intact 😉
Stuart clearly documents the series of events so I shan't go through the ins and outs! Nothing has set me up more for being a mother than the complete obliteration of a plan, an ideal re dealt and the complete surrender called upon for survival. Bonkers!
A call on the hospital room telephone, "please come to the 4th floor to be prepared for surgery", ok so this is really happening! Archie Sutton is in fact coming today and not entering the world into water and candle light surrounded by gurus! Nope instead I'm wearing a ridiculous green hair net and being wheeled into a luminous room under bright lights instead of the moon. I wasn't prepared for Stuart not being allowed into the operating theatre with me, in the west you can both hold tight behind a screen together but here - don't be ridiculous, toughen up princess! On my own, plans hijacked and surrounded by a big team of people speaking quickly in another language, hauled onto an operating table, rolled over and pinned still for epidural, beebing, masked martians moving ruthemically - overwhelmed! Then Dr Hariasas' (the surgoen) eyes looking into mine "just surrender" he said! So I did! Always been good a taking direction! Then numbness, then crying, not mine, then Archie whipped away to be cleaned, skin to skin not happening either then!? Surrender and surrender still. Now sown up and in another room, "where is my baby"? Stuart arrives bedside with his breath in his chest "where is Archie?" "I'm not sure babe, he's around somewhere, maybe go find out" surrender and surrender..... Apparently he was in the baby room hanging out with a bunch of other newbies, surrounded by lovely Indonesian Doris's, guarding his first moments with love..
Finally he arrives in my arms and I couldn't care less about how he got here, we embarked on a journey 38 weeks ago and have arrived here, in love. Love that I never knew about, beaming and bonded, totally undone, my entire universe flooded with angels and just like that bright surgical light, everything is more luminous. Welcome Archie,
.......... I surrender.